State of Broken

I am a firm believer that we are to be humble before God. I believe that God wants us to be in a constant state of submission to Him. I like to use the word broken. I think that God wants us broken so we have to rely on Him and so that He can fix us.

So my question is: "What does broken look like?"

Whenever I have been in a state of broken and I have been at my lowest. I have been beat up, destroyed, trampled on, maybe even abused (all spiritually - not actually physically). In those times, I have felt very close to God because I had no one else to turn. Then, it seems, I get back on my own two feet and I stop relying on God.

I actually like being in the state of broken. I cherish it, I long for it simply because it draws me closer to God. But what about when I'm not spiritually hurting? How do I remain in a state of broken or humility or submission? And the truth is that I may have already answered my own question but I feel the need to continue anyway. I like to be vulnerable even with "stupid" questions.

So, what does broken look like? Or am I maybe using the wrong word?

I Wanna Hang Out With Jesus

I wonder what's its like to hang out with Jesus. I continue to keep going through the Gospels to see what Jesus is really like, but there are some gaps that I am having a hard time filling.

Truth is, there are several people I look up to that have attributes I would like to have. But there is only one person that I admire so much that I want to look as much like him as I can - and that is Jesus.

What I'm curious about now is - what was it like to hang out with Jesus? And I mean that times that aren't recorded in the Bible. You know, just the two of us. Or just a small group of people. I mean, everyone loved to be around Christ, which made him a fun person, right? He had to have told jokes - so what jokes did he tell. I think he knew how to be the life of the party so at times, so what did that look like?

This is some of the stuff I wanna know so I can incorporate as much into my life as I can. I know that he always had the right thing to say. He always knew what to do and performed miracles at the drop of a hat. He was able to change people's lives and confront members in a crowd and leave them speechless and provoked thought. I want that in my life. But what I also want to know is what Jesus was like behind-the-scenes. Surely, he was all about his Father's business, but I also don't think he talked about his Father 100% of the time. I'm sure there was a side to Jesus that just hung out with friends. I wonder what that looked like.

No Preaching

Some times I really miss preaching, teaching, or coming up with any kind of new idea, lesson, etc. This is one of those weeks that I don't miss it at all. One of the tough things of pastoring is always coming up with stuff. Often times, that happens 2-5 times a week! Really? I'm supposed to be that creative all the time?

Well, this week if I had to do something I would absolutely be making it up or else we'd be watching a video or playing a game, because I got NOTHING. I can't even write a blog this week. Good thing I have them sorta stored up from other weeks (with that huge time without a computer I didn't write anything so I'm a little backed up.) I got nothing.

So what do you do when you have one of these kinds of weeks? Whether it's teaching Sunday School, preaching a sermon, counseling, writing a book/blog/anything, mentoring, etc. What do you do? Honestly, what do you do?

Will I Ever Get Married?

It's a good question. Some days I think about it, some days I don't. But I still think it's valid.

I've been around the block....a few times. I've had some great girls in my life and I've let them all slip through my fingers. Heck, it's what got me in this mess in the first place.

But is it ever going to happen? I'm only 26 which means I'm not ancient by any means but at the same time I wouldn't mind it. And then there's all the comments from married people..."When are you gonna get married?" "I have a daughter for you to meet." "I have a friend that you would love." Blah, blah, blah, blah.

I want to get married, I think it would be great. I don't know if I'm ready for it in a variety of areas but I'd at least like to begin my process by actually finding someone. The other funny thing is, and I don't know if I should attribute this to God or my getting old/fat, now that I am more ready to settle down then before I can't find anyone for the life of me. I mean in college this wasn't an issue at all. I had no problems finding someone. If I was single it was truly because I wanted to be single, but now I'm still OK with being single but at the same time I wouldn't mind venturing into some new water again.

Granted, I haven't met anyone worth my trouble yet either. I have high standards. I'm gonna keep those high standards. I've made a lot of stupid mistakes in my day but I still know what I'm worth at the end of the day. A huge difference now is that I'm tired of messing around. I'm tired of just having fun or whatever. I'm ready to at least make progress toward settling down. I don't really know how to express what I'm thinking right now but hopefully all 3 of you get the point.

In the end I think it comes down to whether or not I trust God. Do I trust that God can and will bring someone into my life? Just like in all areas of faith, it's easy to understand and believe in your mind that God has it all taken care of. But it's another thing to live your entire life that way every single moment of every single day. Good thing God isn't rattled by my momentary doubts.

Good News

Finally, for the first time in this transition, I have gotten official good news! I received my letter from Springfield giving me a date. This is huge since I have been waiting for a date for so long. I cannot express my excitement and eagerness to for this date to come around!

Yay for me!

Definition of Success

I read in a book recently how Jesus changed the definition of success. So I ask you the question: "What is the definition of success?"

In a lot of places, including my current place of employment, it is a simple definition. Money. That is the measuring stick for a lot of places, business, and people. Many governments use the same approach. Many may word it differently, many may make it sound a little different but money is a basic unit of measurement for success.

I'm not going to say that money is a wrong answer for this question. But I do feel that it may be incomplete. I will venture to say that a company solely contingent upon the fact of whether it makes money or not will fall short of its own potential eventually. Again, my current employer has this same measurement of success.

So, then, I have asked myself what is my personal definition of success. I have decided what it is and I realize that I am willing to live my entire life to be successful, if this is the definition. My definition or measurement of success is whether or not I am influencing people. I want to influence. I have written about it before, I have said before, and I mean it more each time it leaves my mind and enters the world in some way, shape, or form.

I want to influence people. I believe, for me, there is a qualitative and quantitative form of this. I want to influence as many people as possible but I also believe that there must be some serious quality and depth to all of this. I have decided that I will influence others with my life, my words, and my deeds no matter where I am or what I am doing. This is my definition of success.

I have also come to realize that I cannot influence others if I am not being influenced. I was quality influence in my life so I can influence others.

Fight

Earlier today (yesterday) I was driving to go get some gas. As I went through the Safeway parking lot I caught something out of the corner of my eye that made me take a second look.

Two grown men on the ground fighting with blood everywhere.

This was at 9:30 AM on a Monday. Didn't they have better things to do? As I said, there was blood everywhere and I didn't really know what to do. My first instinct was to break it up and then I became too worried about what might happen to me. So I called the cops and went to get gas.

After the police, ambulance, and fire truck arrived I was leaving the gas station and had to go the same direction I came in. Several people were bloodied up with one man taken to the side by a police officer and the second man on the bottom of the fighting pile was on a stretcher, drenched in blood and apparently not moving.

So then I thought to myself - what could drive a person to get so mad that he would beat someone to a pulp, unconscious, and then keep hitting? What kind of hate does that take? Why does that kind of hate exist in the world? Thank you Jesus that I do not have that kind of hate in me.

Now I can understand a few punches thrown, a guy gets knocked down - fight over. There may be a few instances in life where that kind of action may need to be taken - mostly the defense of the defenseless - but THIS?

There is a fight inside my mind that continues on all the time. That is the fight that says how can I know the good in something if I have never experienced the bad? Example - how can I know the dangers of drinking if I have never drank myself? How can I know the stupidity of and the lifestyle that drugs bring if I have never been involved in it myself? And the examples go on and on.

Today I was thankful that I have never experienced this type of hatred toward another human being and it makes me realize that God's grace and love and wisdom has always been present in my life. I am so thankful that I have always known of God and that He is there for me.

I strive to reach certain levels in my own life. I have failed quite often in that. I am in this position now because I have failed in that. But I thank God that I have never slipped so far as to hate my neighbor with a reckless abandon.

Truth be told is that there is a mental fight going on me. Today, I am extremely thankful that the good side wins most of the time in that fight.

Jesus, I love you and I thank you for all you have done for me.

Lost the Plot

I was sitting on a plane recently heading from Iowa back to Colorado (have I mentioned how much I love this state?) and I got the most random song stuck in my head.

I used to be a HUGE Newsboys fan. Breakfast, Take Me to Your Leader, Breathe, and so many more. But one song was not particularly my favorite when I was younger. In fact, I am almost positive I skipped 94.6% of the time on my CD, (maybe even a tape then.) And of course, that was the random song that got stuck in my head. I can't believe I ever remembered the words to it. I had not even listened to the Newsboys since early college years probably.

But the song was stuck in my head nevertheless. I am sure you already figured out the name of that song by the post title. "Lost the Plot."

I think when I was younger I didn't understand the meaning of the song and that's why I didn't like it so much. But in that plane sitting by myself and alone with my own thoughts the song came to me. So I immediately busted out my Zune (way better than iPod in my opinion) and went to Newsboys and found the song.

I think it is really easy for us to forget what it's really all about. I know I did. It became about less about God's love and grace and more about rules, leadership style, church effectiveness, and politics. Sad to say I don't think that only happened in my church. I don't think I was the only pastor or Christian in the world that way. Honestly, people, I don't care who you are or what you do or how you stumbled across this, but bless the socks off of your pastor(s) because he/she/they really need it. It is really easy to lose sight of things when you are in the thick of church problems all day.

Let's not lose the plot. Let's not lose the most essential part of the story. Let's not let life get int the way. Let's make our life fit the plot that we were given. We know the beginning, we know the end, but is your life going to follow the plot intended to be followed?

My Greatest Fear

My greatest fear in life. I guess that's what I'm gonna talk about now. Well, let's see. I can sum it up in one word. It's not spiders, snakes, crocodiles or barracudas. It's not people or public speaking or people disliking me. It's much different from that. It's unseen, it's intangible, it's simple yet complex.

My greatest fear in life is failure.

I greatly admire those who say "I/We will always do things new, different, and try it out. If it works then great, if not, then we'll do something else." I wish I could say that and mean it. I can try new things, but I can't try new things and put my all into it. Because I feel that if I don't give it my all then I have an excuse. I want to put it all out there and then if it does not work then fine, who cares? I tried.

I straight up, 100% think that's Satan in our heads messing with us. There are two way a general would strategize against God. Both involve God's creation - humans. The first thing a general would do is go after God's greatest strength which is His church and His revelation to man. Does that ring any bells to any of those that decide to complain about the corruption of church? And the second is to take away man's potential. See, if we don't reach out potential then we are not a threat to the general and his army. Go for your potential. Give it all you have, go all out (in a calculated way I might add - probably another post some day) and forget your fear of failure.

I'm coming to the conclusion that the way to overcome fear is to to do. I think the greatest failure in life is really not trying.

Another Barrier Torn Down

In this crazy hard transition of my life I feel blessed. I recently told someone that I thank God every day that He took advantage of this situation. I feel blessed to be exposed and broken. Because of that true thanks toward God I pray that others would come to the same conclusion that I am now, no matter what it takes. If it takes God's exposure and His breaking you to get you to this place, then that's my prayer. Honestly, don't ask me to pray for you because you might not want me to pray what I could possibly pray.

With that said, since I am sharing moments of victory and defeat with you (and I thank God there are a LOT more moments of victory now) I thought I would share this one with you. Now, I think I'm gonna keep the details to myself but I can give you the gist.

There was a barrier or a certain wall or a certain place that I had not gone to since April of 2009 when my life seemingly became unraveled. Now, this is not a physical place, but it is a spiritual/mental/emotional place. I decided that it was finally time to go there.

In going there, I experience the greatest worship service and time with God in public since April. After that happened (it was a Sunday morning) I immediately felt "released" to break another barrier Sunday night - and another Sunday night - and another Monday afternoon - and another Monday night.

Now, I don't know why I couldn't get past that first barrier. I don't know what took so long. But I do know that I'm completely OK with it. God's timing is turning out to the be the best timing of all. I'm not sure that it was God telling me to wait before crossing this barrier or if it was my psychological or emotional restraint, but I do know that there could not have been a better time.

With the rate things are going, it makes me enjoy and appreciate this transition with the utmost appreciation and excitement even. I cannot wait until the day there is another barrier broken - the day I can teach, and preach, and lead again. I know that those come in different categories so understand that I mean behind a pulpit. I feel that like that may be my final barrier of this transition and will start a whole new one.

But for now, and for always, it's just gonna me about me and God and that's it. Things will not change.

Any barriers in your life that you have overcome or need to overcome?

Expectation (cont)

"What does God expect from you?"

That was the question of the day yesterday. Now for the background to the question and the ongoing debate that has ensued since then.

I was in a conversation with my dear friend William Claeys. In the midst of the conversation he asked me the question, "What does God expect from you?" I continued to, then, take a deep breath as I thought of all of God's huge expectations that I felt He had for me.

I began to respond to William with all of these thoughts, dreams, ideas, "callings," etc. when he interrupted me and gave me the answer. Nothing.

William went on to say that God does not expect anything from us. I'm gonna stop right there and get your comments on this one. I'd love to get a great discussion going. William, if you read this then you are more than welcome to join/start the discussion yourself.

So, what do you think. "What does God expect from you?"

Expectations

I was asked a question a few days ago. I will now ask you the same question.

"What does God expect from you?"

Think about it for the day and come back tomorrow to see what this person said to me and listen to my thoughts on the subject.

"What does God expect from you?"

Apologies

For anyone that's been following this blog at all (again, all 4 of you maybe) then I am sorry for the lack of posts. I dropped my MacBook (which is always a smart thing to do) and was getting the cover and one of the ports repaired. I'm not gonna promise the fixing of old posts and the beginning of new ones tomorrow, but they should be back, up and running by the end of the week.

Thank you,

And sorry

Weak Christianity: Prayer

I think that this idea of "weak Christianity" first becomes apparent in our prayer life. I think too often we don't pray enough, if at all. Most Christians I know will say they are going to pray and rarely do. Some of those, if they do pray that is, will just give a "serviceable" prayer at best. 

I don't think that's the kind of relationship God wants to have with us. It think He wants us to give Him our all in our prayer time. Spend a little more time with Him. Pray for the impossible. Pray for His will. Find out His will. Pray that God would change our situations, circumstances, and our lives. He wants to be a part of us. He wants to live in us and through us. But we need to be praying.

Prayer is not some crazy weird thing we can't understand. It's here. It's at our fingertips. I have always said and will continue to say that God is always a whisper away. It's true. And God doesn't want to be our last resort, but our first. Don't rely on Him once you have relied on yourself and everything else.

It's time to stop being weak in our Christianity. If we are "Christians" then we need to be praying. But not praying because we have to. Praying because it's relationship with our Creator and Giver of all things. Praying because we believe He can true do anything and everything and He cares and loves us enough to take control of our situations and make everything work.

Weak Christianity

I believe that today our biggest problem in the church is simply this: weak Christianity.

"The biggest cause of athiesm in the world today is Christians who acknowledge with their lips but not with their lives." Kinda sorta quote from DC Talk's "What If I Stumble?"

I've said it before and I'll say it again now. One of the subjects in life that I will always get extremely fiery about revolves around weak Christianity. I am one of those people some times. That's what makes me even more fiery. 

I think it is a shame that we see so many Christians that know so little or, more importantly, pray so little. We serve an all-powerful God who wants to help. All we have to do is ask. So why don't we. We serve all all-powerful God so why don't we act like it? Too many Christians walk around with their head down, scared, confused, powerless, hopeless, and helpless. Just walk into some of our churches in American and look around. Have a few conversations.

Now, I'm not saying churches are bad or that all churches are like this. But some are. We are called to be the light of the world right? But we are too afraid to let our light shine. We are too afraid that someone else might find out. 

I'm not talking about hyperspirituality. I'm talking about weak living. I'm talking about not living like Christ. I'm talking about a lack of understand and boldness.

We have stopped asking and praying and expecting the impossible. Instead we stick with the comfortable and with what's been done before.

So, for the next few posts I want to talk about weak Christianity.

Admittedly, this is a bit biased and may not be the most objective, or even theological set of posts. Feel free to leave your comments. I guess you can say its iron sharpening iron via the internet.

Here are the posts that will be coming up.

Weak Christianity

1) Weak Prayer

2) Weak Living

3) Weak Faith

Weak Leadership

1) Weak Challenges

2) Weak Expectations

3) Weak Teaching

I know...I know

I know, I'm a horrible person. I haven't posted anything for a few days. I'm sorry. I kinda decided to take a nice little break.

That said, who watched my boys (Iowa Hawkeyes) on Saturday?!

Yeah, so they didn't play too fantastically. But I will take my hat off to those UNI Panthers. They put up a good fight. They played well on all sides of the ball. Honestly, I hope you guys win the FCS this year.

But two block field goals back to back within 7 seconds?

Unbelievable. I love this time of year. College football is the best. And what a great start to the season. I lost my voice and almost had a heart attack. Then it all happened again on the second field goal block. I was shaking, sweating, and I loved every second of it!!!!!

Go Hawks!!

Rollercoaster

In most big transitions in life one can expect of a lot of changes. That's why it's called a transition. There is one thing that anyone entering a transition can expect - a rollercoaster.

Expect an down/up/down/up of emotions. Things will go well one day and horrible the next week. Then there will be a month of awesomeness and then another month where nothing goes your way and you'll want out for good. 

I write this because, as many of you know, this is my life right now. Every week is different. The month of August for me has been great but this last week hasn't been too great. I know that there will be times still to come that will be as hard, if not harder, than July was for me. But one thing I know is that despite of this emotional rollercoaster riding I will get through it.

Expect the rollercoaster. Not just in transition but in life. It will make everything easier. And DON'T quit. Make a rule for yourself in quitting. Do not quit until you have decided to quit for over 2 months. If for 2 months you still want to quit then go for it. But do not let your temporary emotions make the decision for you.

A rollercoaster lies before you. Enjoy the ride and remember that you are on a rollercoaster and there will be both ups and downs.

Focus on This (Care) pt 7

And last but certainly not least in our LOVE series: Care.

Honestly, if we are loving people then this is a no-brainer. Care about them. Care about their needs, wants, desires, and dreams. We can give and we can serve, but if we don't about those that we are giving to and serving then there is no point to those actions.

In order to love others we have to care about them and care for them.

Focus on This (Serve) pt 6

We are still talking about focusing on what matters most. So, according to Jesus, what matters most? Love God, love people.

Another way to show that we love people is to serve them. 

Wow, there are so many ways that we overlook in serving people! Help out a shelter for the homeless, the hurting, the needy, the broken. Serve your neighbors (literal neighbors) by raking their yard, moving their lawn, taking out their trash. Serve in your church by doing something, especially if nobody even notices. Serve your family by being their and loving them. Spend time with those that are close and help when they don't even ask.

Jesus came to earth to serve us and in that act Jesus changed the world radically. Just love on people and serve them in every way and possibility.

Now, I know my initial thought is: "What if people start to take advantage of me?" Well, Jesus was crucified. Let's take from his example. 

I'm not saying we necessarily have to go out and die for everyone but let's do something more that what we are doing now. It is so easy to become selfish and self-centered these days. Just love people and serve them in any possible way you can.

Focus on This (Give) pt 5

The second part of this explanation of the greatest commandment says to love people.

So that means that we have to look at how to love people.

Now, I have a great friend who would say right now that we are just supposed to love people. Plain and simple. I completely agree. And the next three things that we will talk about are simply the byproduct of loving people. See, the truth is, we can do these three things and still not love people. We'll only be fooling ourselves and everyone else around us, but not God.

So in loving people on of these things that will happen when we love people is we will give. Give our money. Give our time. Give our resources, our talents, and make sacrifices in our giving.

Really, the big two are giving our money and our time. The two things that we hold most precious and dear to ourselves are those two things. So if you want to love people then give them your time and give them your money. Start an organization for the homeless. Sponsor a child in India. Do something to fight a disease or illness that is effecting someone near to you.

The Jewish people were/are huge into social justice. It was beat into their brains that in order to serve God you must serve people. Give to a beggar on the street corner. Adopt a child in need. Become foster parents. Just love people and give them whatever you can. It doesn't have to be as drastic as some of the things just listed. It can be small. It can be really small. The size of your gift of giving isn't what matters. It is your heart. Love people.

Focus on This (Obey) pt 4

Jesus said to love God and that's what we need to do. A third way for us to do this is to obey Him. 

Look, it's simple. God orchestrated 66 books in what we now know as the Bible with instructions and examples. This was not done without purpose. It is directions for us to OBEY! God speaks to us for a reason and that's not just for His own pleasure. If God didn't want us to obey Him then He wouldn't ask anything of us. Then our faith would be the equivalent of many other religions - convenient. Love requires obedience. 

In my life this is a huge area where I have lacked in the past and it continues in the present. I'm not gonna sit here and type this stupid blog and pretend that I'm obedient. I'm not. But I want to be and I'm trying to be. I realize that the more obedient I am the more that I feel close to God and the more I feel blessed by God.

Here's the trick though: Obey God, not man. Now what I mean by this is I believe that God is speaking to each and every one of us in an individual way. Obey THAT voice and find THAT voice. Too often all of these other people tell us what we should and should not do. Well, that's fine and dandy and it is very truth that God can speak to us through others but learn God's voice for yourself and follow it and OBEY it.

If you love God then you must obey Him. It's pretty much that simple.

Focus on This (Worship) pt 3

The second way that we need to show our love for God is to worship God.

We throw this word around a lot. I'm going to narrow it to something a little smaller in the context of loving God. Worship is a verb. It is something you do. DC Talk had a song called "Luv is a verb." Well, worship is a verb. It is something that we act out.

So we must act on our love for God to show that we love Him. Faith without works is dead, according to James that is, so worship without action is dead - that's what Matt said.

We need to not just act out our love for God in times of song "worship." But, I do think that is a great time to exercise our passion for God. But we need to act out our worship in church, in work, in play, with friends, at a barbecues. If you know me you know that I most certainly don't mean we have to wear WWJD bracelets everywhere and blast worship music day and night wherever we are. And we DEFINITELY don't have to write on poster boards how much  we love Jesus. But we do need to find a way to express our love Jesus in a way that is meaningful to God.

Focus on This (Trust) pt 2

Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is. Jesus responds in Matthew 22 to love God and love people. Today, we will focus on the first aspect of loving God.

Trust

I think that one of the hardest things for us to do is trust God. Yet, that is one way in which we show our love for Him.

Jesus says himself that we need to have faith like a child. Let's look at how a child acts. A child is completely dependent on its mother and/or father. The baby looks for food from the parents. A child looks for comfort from parents. The baby looks for attention and care. Children often believe until a certain age that his/her mom/dad can do anything. "Mommy, can you make it stop raining?" "My dad can beat up your dad!" "Daddy, why is the sky blue?" Mom, can you make the pain stop?"

We think our parents are our answer for everything. Yet, the One who has every answer and can take care of every need gets ignored. If Jesus wants us to have faith like a child then maybe this is kind of what it looks like. We need to start trusting Him for more.

Let's get a bit more practical (though I honestly don't think that was impractical advice.) Too often we don't trust God because, quite frankly, we don't have patience. We take the first job possible because we can't believe that God will get us a better one. We want to do things our own way and at our own time. We find ourselves with the wrong guy or girl and it's too late to get out, or so we think, because we couldn't pass the first one in line because we didn't trust the Maker of all things to find us a suitable partner. We get tired of being at the church we're at because it's too boring for us, even though God is about to do great things, but we just can't wait because we just can't trust Him.

I think trust and patience go a little hand in hand. We don't trust because we just don't like God's timing. But this is one important way that we must show our love for God. We must trust Him. It's too important not to.

Focus on This (Intro) pt 1

I think as Christians, especially those of us that have been Christians for a while, tend to focus on so many of the little things. Because of that I think we tend to ignore the really big things. So, with the next six posts, I want to focus on what could quite possibly be THE biggest thing.

In Matthew 22:34-40 an expert in the law tests Jesus asking him which commandment is the greatest (v 36) and Jesus responds:

"Love the Lord you God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (v 37) The second is: "Love your neighbor as yourself." (v 39)

I think it is absolutely important for us as Christians to focus on these two commandments with our lives. So over the next six posts we'll look at how we can love God and love people. Here's what those next posts will look like.

Love God

1) Trust

2) Worship

3) Obey

Love People

1) Give

2) Serve

3) Care

The Lost Disicpline

You know you thought about not opening this up, didn't you? You weren't gonna read for fear of feeling convicted. Discipline is just simply a word we don't like to hear. Discipline means we have to tell ourselves no and that's just not fun.

Fasting is one of those disciplines. So why is it we don't fast? Can we not trust God that if we are disciplined in the form of regular fasting that we're gonna miss out on something.

I bring this up because I recently decided to start fasting again. I say again because generally speaking I would fast once a week when I was a pastor. That wasn't every week and there were a lot of times I broke my fast when I shouldn't have but I still probably fasted more than I didn't.

So I recently decided to start fasting again. I was then reminded of the benefits of fasting. I'll list them for you.

1) Obey God. (Can't go wrong with that)

2) Become more disciplined. (Hmmmm...)

3) Lose weight. (Yay!!!!!)

4) Hear from God. (Hence the last like 10 posts that were all written in one sitting (I love the word hence and I love that I am now using double parentheses.))

5) Getting closer to God (Nothing clever to add to this one - guess I should fast more)

6) Purity and holiness are closer to being achieved

7) Spit in the Devil's face!!!!!!

What do you think of my awesome list? Add something or just comment. No one ever comments and it makes me sad. I just want to know 3 people are reading. That would be sweet. And yes, I am begging for comments and, yes, I am pathetic.

The Lost Science

What is the lost science? Obedience.

Since when did we decide that as Americans we don't read to listen to anyone else? When did we decided that independence was even possible? The truth is we must live in a state of dependence on God. When did we decided that we don't need to obey God?

God makes things really simple for us. He speaks, we listen, then we do. We are the ones that make things so difficult. We are the ones that think we know better. Or else we think that God is ruining our fun or our independence or our right to think for yourselves.

Well tell me this then. When is the last time you sinned and things worked out better for you?

Random thoughts

When you read a book or blog or something do you hear the other person's voice in your mind's ear or your own? Why is that?

Do you ever have a good day and then people (or one in particular) ask you if you are having a bad day? Then does this change your outlook on that day?

Do you ever wonder why string cheese tastes better than regular cheese? Is it just because of the extra fun of peeling it?

My dog gets scared when I play my guitar. Am I really that bad or is he just afraid of the music produced? (In no way am I admitting that I'm a good guitar player, either.)

When you are truly bored what does your mind wander to?

What is God's favorite color?

Why are some people such jerks?

Why do we trust good-looking, well kept people more than ugly people?

Who decided to invent words or a language for that matter? Like the word language - really? Who came up with that one?

Why are we afraid or more cautious in the dark?

Why don't people 60 and up have to go through driver's ed again?

There you go - my random thoughts for now. Feel free to add your own random thoughts or anything random answers to the random thoughts.

The Prayer Part 3 (Forgiven and Loved)

So here I am in my prayer. I would guess that 3 minutes have gone by as I am thinking in my head and aloud with God as my witness and conversation partner. I am wondering if enough is ever enough with him and then I decide that I am the chief of sinners. Then the next song on my Zune comes on while on shuffle.

In the middle of my thinking, with no conclusion in sight, with no real word from God just yet the first words of the song are "I am forgiven and loved."

Now, call this coincidence if you want to. And maybe it is. But it doesn't mean that the words aren't true. And for that to come on in the middle of my prayer like that was just great timing.

I am forgiven and loved by my Father and Creator in Heaven who chose to send Himself down to earth to teach me and to die for me. There is NOTHING I could do once or even a million times to reach a point where God will turn His back on me because I am forgiven and loved. No matter what - I am forgiven and loved.

Know today that you don't deserve it. Not a single one of us does. If we all were willing to go into an interrogation room with God and have Him point out everything we have ever done wrong, I truly believe that we would all come out of that room saying, "I am the chief of sinners." All of us have sinned and all of us have hidden that sin from others and even from ourselves. But God knows what we really think and what we really do and what we would really do if we could.

You are forgiven and loved.

The Prayer Part 2 (Chief of Sinners)

In one of Paul's letters he decides to make the ultimate confession that perhaps many though but nobody else spoke of out loud. Many knew of his past, which obviously included himself. But, many also knew of the great things that he had done in the name of Christ as well. So maybe there was a thought by the listener(s) and the reader(s) about Paul's past but there was also the extraordinary evidence place in front of them of who Paul now is.

All this aside, Paul still claims in his letter that he is the chief of sinners. All due respect, Paul, but you were premature in your statement.

I am the chief of sinners.

Here I am having this simple, short conversation with God. I'm wondering if enough is ever enough and I'm reminded of the Apostle Paul. I look back at Paul's claim and I realize all of the horrible things that he had done. He had murdered, lied, manipulated, deceived, and purposely attacked Jesus Christ, who claimed to be the Son of Man. He then decided to pursue all of his so-called followers.

Something many of us don't think about is Paul's presence during the Gospels. Where was he? He didn't just appear out of thin air in Acts did he? Surely he had to have been around witnessing Christ first hand, right? I don't know if anything I am about to say is actually historically accurate, but it makes for good introspection.

It is likely that Paul (Saul) was there, listening to Jesus teach. Maybe Saul is one of the Pharisees that Jesus gave a verbal beat down to. Maybe Saul was a part of the Sanhedrin when the were conspiring to kill Jesus. Maybe he was there when Judas was confronted to betray Jesus for a few shekels. Maybe he orchestrated the plot to have Jesus arrested in the Garden. Maybe he was in the front row in front of Pilate, pleading for Barrabbas to be exchanged with Jesus

I know all of this is speculation but what if it is true? What we do know of Saul at this time is that he was quickly rising through the ranks of the Sanhedrin as a promising Pharisee and possibly on his way to become High Priest. Something(s) had to have catapulted him in that direction.

So, Paul claims he is the chief of sinners. I still respectfully disagree.

Paul did everything he did because he thought he was doing right for his God. Turns out that he was definitely wrong, but at least he was doing what he believed in at the time. His crimes were terrible and cruel and wrong. But he still did what he believed in.

I, on the other hand, have come to the conclusion that 93.3% of all the sins that I have committed in my lifetime were done knowing that it was sin. This leaves a very slim percentage of sins done unknowingly. I know what is deep down in my heart and in my mind. I know what things I have done and not done. I know how many times I have heard the voice and God and chosen to ignore it. 

I am the chief of sinners.

The Prayer Part 1 (Is Enough Ever Enough?)

There are a few things about God that I cannot possibly wrap my mind around. One of these is the concept of the Trinity. Though I have taught about it, though I have tried to explain it, and even though I understand it on paper my mind cannot and will not ever be able to completely understand this concept. I mean three separate beings yet one? Yeah, makes no sense. But that's not what this post is about.

Another thing that I cannot possibly comprehend about God is his ability to be compassionate yet seek justice and be just Himself. So when I sin what does God really think? Is He up there just like "That's OK, Matt. These things happen. Just remember that you are still moving forward." Or is He up there looking down on me saying "Matt, how many times do you have to sin like this? You keep messing up, you keep disobeying me and one day you will suffer the consequences!" Or is he like "Matt, even though you sin my grace is sufficient for you and I forgive you." What is He really saying, or is He just saying all of those things at once? 

This brings me to my real question and the next couple posts are kind of linked to this though in a way. Does God have a breaking point?

Does God have a point where we have just disobeyed Him too much for too long where He just says "Enough is enough?" I asked myself this question and I asked God this question. So as I'm praying this and just conversing with God about it He just reminded me that my grace is sufficient and that His compassion never ends. 

As I stood there trying to wrap my mind around this I began to cry. No one can make me cry like God can. I love it when I cry because of whatever it is God tells me or reassures me of or even convicts me of. There just is nothing like it. So here I am being convicted of some of my sin and wondering what is wrong with me and how God can even love me. I tried to understand His love for me. 

Is enough ever enough with God? I think the answer is twofold. It's a loud no with a resounding yes. While we are alive and kicking the answer is no. God will always forgive us no matter of what we have done. Yet, there is a no. When the day comes in which we face eternity whether through death or the Rapture - there is a judgment day.

Read on tomorrow to see where else this prayer leads.

Influence

I believe that God created me to influence people.

I believe that God has given me special and unique talents to influence others.

I believe that God put a passion in my heart to influence people.

I want to influence others.

Many of us want to know what God wants for us while we are here on Earth. We search and look and pray and fast and do everything we can. Well, I have found my purpose on this planet for my years here - influence. Now, I have no idea exactly what it's supposed to look like and I have no idea how it's supposed to take place. But I do know one thing - in this difficult transition of my life I want nothing more than to be in a position to influence as many people as possible.

This is where my problem comes. Right now, I am influencing few. I try to be some kind of an influence to those around me but the truth is that there are not a lot of others around me right now. I want to influence people by the dozens, the scores, the hundreds, the thousands. But I know I'm not ready yet. God is still working on me. I think He'll always be working on me.

So, with all of this in mind I want to decide what influence really looks like and how I want to influence. Feel free to follow me on this journey.

Are You in Love? pt 2 of 3

The Nature of our relationship with Jesus

1) Dependent

2) Submission

3) Enduring

The Fruit of our relationship with Jesus

1) Love

2) Obedience

Now that we are caught up from yesterday with "the list" let's move forward.

Based on these five criteria how would you rate your love for Jesus?

I gotta be honest. (Like that's on problem with this blog.) Dependent and submitting on God. Alright. I don't like that and I know it's hard to do, but OK. But enduring? I don't like that at all. I'll get back to that in a second.

And my fruit is supposed to be love. OK, I cant definitely handle that. I have no problem loving God. But then it was explained to me that the primary way we show our love is through obedience. Yeah, see now I have a problem again.

So to become more in love with Jesus I have to obey him and endure? I always wanted to believe that it was how much I prayed or how passionate I was in worship. I always thought that my love for Jesus was too hard to measure for myself and I always wondered what else I could do. Now I've been told - endure and obey.

Coming off of the personality blogs a few days ago, I now have to come back to them. As already stated I am a Wind. I come and go when I please. I am random, but when I decided to come in, I come hard. I asked the question in that series of postings whether or not I needed to change my personality. OBEY and ENDURE tell me that I have to. Those are two of my least favorite words as a Wind because it shows consistency and that means that even when I don't want to I have to. Again, as a Wind, I don't like that.

But it's true isn't it? To love Jesus we must depend on him, right? Cuz if we don't depend on him we depend on something else and that doesn't make him Lord and King and Master of our lives, does it? We must submit for the same reasons as well, right? And I guess we have to endure through all of the good time and the bad times. It's easy to love someone or something when everything goes well. It's easy to stay with a company when it's making record profits and we are benefitting from that, isn't it?

And so to show our love we must obey. If Jesus is going to ask/tell me (funny how God can work that out) to do something and I don't do it, it's like spitting in His face. I'm not obeying his commands.

So how are in love with Jesus are you now that you compare your live to these five criteria?

Are You in Love? pt 3 of 3

Now here's the biggest kicker. Remember in the first post of this series I said don't overanalyze yourself?

Again, the five criteria to measure our love - dependence, submission, endurance, love, and obedience.

I'm gonna keep this one really short and sweet. Don't measure yourself to others. Don't measure yourself against a mentor. Don't measure yourself against what is preached. Don't measure yourself against how good you think you could do? (Bear with me through the next two questions until I finish the thought.) Don't even compare yourself against the Bible or against Jesus. Compare yourself against what God is asking of you now.

OK, the reason I say this is not to say that the Bible and Jesus are bad things to compare yourself to. I say in that if I look at everything the Bible says right now and I look at how Jesus lived his life I get overwhelmed. The truth is we need to look at those things that God is pointing out to us from the Bible, from the life of Jesus, and what He is asking/telling us to do now.

So when looking at obedience, dependence, submission, endurance, and love and what God is asking of you now - how much are you listening and following Him?

Are You in Love? pt 1 of 3

How in love with Jesus are you?

Tough question. Brings up some tough answers sometimes too. I think that there is a danger sometimes in asking this question because if you are like me at all, you overanalyze this question far too much. Maybe you get too nitpicky about all the little things and forget about the broad outlook instead.

But I still want you to try to answer the question. How in love with Jesus are you? If you are having a hard time qualifying your answer let me get you some help on this one.

I heard a sermon recently that didn't try to answer this specific question but did throw out a few qualifying factors for it. The sermon talked about Jesus as the vine and how Jesus wants to prune us, basically. In the process we have to recognize that Jesus is the vine and we are the branch and He will do what's necessary for us to go an produce good fruit. There were two aspects to this - 1) The Nature of our relationship with Jesus - 2) The Fruit of our relationship with Jesus.

The Nature of our relationship with Jesus

1) Dependent

2) Submission

3) Enduring

The Fruit of our Relationship with Jesus

1) Love

2) Obedience

Tomorrow I will go into this some more but let me ask again - How in love with Jesus are you? Feel free to leave some comments! :)

Tattoos?

Just so we are all clear before I even start this subject. I am completely 100% neutral on this point. This is mostly just for discussion...I currently have no plans in any direction.

Lately, I've been wondering about getting a tattoo (which from here on out with always be referred to as a tat cuz tattoo takes too long to type for me.)

OK, so I've done some research on Biblical reasoning for tats. Well, I'm not really convinced by that. In Leviticus there's a passage that says not to pierce your body or to ink it, basically. Well also in that passage it says not to cut hair or shave beards. Well, looks like none of us are living by that.

Paul also says our body is a temple. Well, that could mean a ton of things including taking it easy on the caffeine and running a marathon every day. OK, well, now I don't really know where to go.

I do think that there is a spiritual side to all of this. Any time we do something permanently to our bodies I would hope that we are thinking about it and praying about it. So let's talk the pros and cons of tats.

Pros: They can look really cool when we get them. It can be meaningful when the right image, word, or phrase is inked in. It is artistic expression.

Cons: They can look really ugly when we're old and/or fat. We can decide that we don't want it later - it is permanent you know. They can be see as a bad thing in some circles. They can be addicting and it can be very easy to go past any stage of moderation (whoever decides what moderation is anyway.) They are expensive. Oh yeah, did I mention that it's permanent?

OK, so here's my conclusion for the day. I still don't know if it is morally right or wrong. But if you get a tat then good for you. I just hope it's something meaningful to you and I hope it looks good. 

For me, I have decided that if I can even find an image or something that I would want on my body permanently and I have it picked out. Well, if I want it two years later, then we'll see about that.

Just remember, what mama don't know won't hurt her.

What are your thoughts? Did I leave out any pros or cons? Do any of you have any regrets on getting or not getting a tat?

Schrödinger's Cat pt 2

So after yesterday's fairly fun little thing I figured today I would make this mean a little bit more sense in the practical world we all live it - in a way other than dating (especially since I'm single and have no room to talk about this stuff.)

Going back to the idea of Schrödinger's cat...does that apply to real life?

Let's say you run a business and you have some new ideas for the company. You're idea is a bit of a risk but it could really pay off. Of course there are some risks involved. If there weren't risks involved then this wouldn't be a decision at all. The truth is you need to calculate those risks and then comes the tough part.

Just go for it.

You'll never know what's going to happen unless you do it. See if the cat's dead. Or in this case, see if this idea will make your company more alive. What if will bring you more profits, more fun, more expansion, more employees. Maybe it'll even put you on the cutting edge.

The same things goes for those of you that work under someone else in whatever capacity. If you have a good idea then bring it up to your boss. Go for it.

If you are in ministry and have a new idea to expand the church by going multi-site or there's a new aspect to a service you are thinking of adding. Go for it.

Don't be like Schrödinger and not open up the box.  

What do you think of Schrödinger's box? Is it time for you to open it?

Schrödinger's Cat pt 1

OK, so I gonna take a complex subject and make it into something it's not about at all and then try to make everything simple.

So there was this dude Schrödinger's who had this theory. His theory was to put a cat in a cage and basically to kill it through his diabolical scheme that including a self-triggered poison that the cat obviously knew nothing about. However, one could not open the box due to the poison and therefore nobody knows if the cat died or not.

So, here's the theory: Is the cat really dead?

Now to twist this into something completely different since I'm single and all that good stuff. In dating, what happens if you never "open the box?" 

Let's say you have a friend that you've "fallen in love with" but he has no idea. (I'm just being neutral, don't worry - I'm not in love with some guy!) So, what do you do? Keep your mouth shut...or express the real feelings?

Let's say you just met a girl and you don't know what to do. You are attracted to her many qualities, but what if she says no? What is a guy or girl supposed to do in these situations? It is so complex and what if you get hurt?

Is the cat really dead? You'll never know unless you open the box!

No Big Deal

So, I hate my job. I've been over that before right?

It's not so much the job itself. It's not because of what I have to do, or my hours, or the people, or anything like that. What I hate about my job is above and beyond all that. Most of the people I work with just want to make money, but that's not really my motivation.

The truth is...I want to change the world.

Yeah, yeah I know. Most of you have been there and done that. I'm sorry I'm a little late in the game.

I don't know that I'll ever change the world like Billy Graham or Mother Theresa have. I don't know that I'll change the world like Martin Luther King Jr. or any of our world leaders have. But I want to be a significant influence in people's lives.

I want to change the world.

Recently, I posted about a "dream" I had. Well, I'm still holding onto that dream quite a bit. We'll see how long this "dream" lasts. If it's still around in a few years I will definitely not ignore it. (My dreams, due to my windiness, are constantly changing so I know it something sticks around for a while then it's not me.) 

See, I'm not content doing something just to make money. I'm not content to work a 9-5. I'm not content to only work a few hours a day like I am now. I want something more. I want to do something that impassions me and overtakes my life. I will not be happy or even satisfied until this happens. 

God created me to influence people. And that's what I want to do - influence people. Until I am in a place where that is happening more I cannot and will not be satisfied. I truly believe that God has huge things for me. Bigger than I can even imagine right now. Stuff that is so much bigger than just me.

I don't know if I'm the only one like this or we are a rare and unlucky breed.

Anyone else out there like me?

Anyone else not like me at all?

The Joseph Theory

I've written about Jonah and how God sent a storm to make Jonah obey. I've likened it to almost being cursed (I concede that may not be super correct theologically too. I did just use super correct in my blog, you read correctly.)

What I want to know today is have you ever felt like Joseph?

Joseph was lucky enough to have everything around collapse and turn on him. His brothers were going to kill him but sold him into slavery instead. Sweet. Then he worked his way up in Potiphar's house doing everything well, until he wouldn't sleep with the Mrs. and got thrown into prison. Interpreted dreams while in prison only to be forgotten. 

But despite all of the bad things that happened, have you ever looked at the good things? Everything Joseph touched turned to gold! Was his father's favorite son (That deserves a shout out to Rebekah his mother!) As a slave became Potiphar's right hand man. As a prisoner became the "top inmate" if you will. Was dug out of prison to become the Pharoah's right hand man. Then his dream came true and he was reunited with his father and family.

For those of you that know me there is a phrase that has often been used in my direction. "Only you, Matt!" "Matt, how do you get away with these things?" Other such remarks have been made as well. This blog is not meant as a tribute to Matthew Christopher DeSmidt and this certainly isn't to toot my own horn. But when some of the things that always went my way in life turned and began to go poorly I felt like Jonah. This week I'm beginning to feel more like Joseph.

Some of my circumstances are still grim and will remain grim for some time. But some of the every day things of life and started to turn around. My job outlook in looking very positive. I may be getting a new job and my current job can become my secondary job. In my current job I have had a great week and started to be rather productive. Socially, things have just taken a turn. It's almost like people actually enjoy being around me again.

I can only come to one conclusion. When we obey God we will be taken care of. There are some posts already scheduled on the subject of obedience my blog list already goes through the rest of August, but I thought I would put up a current blog of my progress.

I think that's the difference between obedience and disobedience.

What about Personality? pt 7 of 7 - The Question

So now it comes time for the question. Well, almost time. Still need to set you up a little bit more.

I am a Wind. I have a few other traits in me as well, but I'm definitely a Wind. But it seems to me that most of this world is run by Earths. I tend to change my mind a lot. I love to start things but I'm not great at finishing them. I love to run off of emotion and I love to do things fast. I may not be completely mature in my Windiness but it seems like everywhere I turn there are Earths around and in some kind of authority of me that take the Wind from under my sails. So this brings up the question...

Can you change your personality?

Am I supposed to be more calm and under control? Do I have to make myself to be more organized and detailed? Do I need to make myself more like others?

In addition to all of this there are times when I let out my Wind and become the center of attention. But there are other times when I like to be more quiet and subdued. Truthfully, I kinda like to be quiet and subdued. Is it possible to make myself to be more like that? Should I make myself more like that?

What do you think about all of this?

What about Personality? pt 6 of 7 - Just a Little More

In case you were reading these last few posts and are having a hard time figuring out where your personality would be then let me let you know that most people are probably a mixture of two or three of these personalities.

It is very common for Winds and Fires to be combined. It's also common to see Earth/Fire and Earth/Water. Remember that Winds and Earth are opposite and that Fire and Water are opposite. Also, at the root of all Earth is Fire.

In the book the author goes into much more detail including positives and negatives of each personality. She also gives the anger styles of each personality.

I still want to emphasize that I strongly recommend this book, "The Four Elements of Success" by Laurie Beth Jones.

What is your personality type?

What about Personality? pt 5 of 7 - Wind

Wind - flighty, random, untamable, powerful, fast.

The Wind in an organization can be the life of an organization. When an organization has a good balance of Winds within it there can be some great things to happen. Winds are the ones that are always pushing for growth, change, and progress. A Wind cannot sit still and does not want to sit still. When an organization needs to move forward or is stuck in a rut it is the Wind that can take care of that. Winds jump to anything new and exciting. Winds can also move any of the other three elements to move and to change.

Winds in an organization bring life but if there are too many Winds or an improper balance of Winds then the organization can become far too flighty and meaningless. Every whim and every other thing that comes around will take the focus of the organization every three days. Winds can be great leaders once they learn to tame their whims and they can be great in any organization. Winds are an important asset that are muffled too often or else there are too many around to be used vitally.

What about Personality? pt 4 of 7 - Earth

Earth - steady, firm, unmoving, unwavering, and organized. 

Within the Earth everything is there for a reason. Everything has its place and position and purpose. This is who the Earth is. It is calm and slow to move, it is organized and content with its organization. The Earth knows what it wants and once it has it will never or rarely change. Earth are generally hard-working yet fairly emotionless. This is not to say that the Earth feels no emotion, it means to say that they rarely show their emotions to any observer that is outside of their small personal bubble.

I have had the opportunity and sometimes pleasure of running to several Earths in my life that have been in a position to direct my life in a very intimate way. I have seen the great things that a earth can do and I have seen many of the negative things that an earth can do. When an Earth is working in a positive manner he/she can bring stability and experience to an organization. When working in a negative manner he/she can bring tradition and old-fashion practices into an organization, eventually hurting it. Unfortunately, since Earths rarely move, they can be outdated and rely on what worked a decade ago. 

Earths are very common in organizations and in the world today. Earths can be extremely valuable as many of them are hard workers and will rarely do something to drastically and immediately hurt a company. An Earth makes a great leader and can see many things that others can.

What about Personality? pt 3 of 7- Water

Water - calm, soothing, steady, transparent, tranquil, slow, fast, possibly ferocious like a hurricane.

The Water is the mediator. The Water is the one that wants peace and quiet. The Water takes compassion on everyone and wants team to the focus of the group. Without Waters around the world can be a difficult place. The Water cannot be underestimated in any organization. Without quality people around to "steady the waters" an organization cannot stay afloat (I'm really liking all of these puns.) 

Now, there is more validity and need for Waters than what I am stating, but in my limited experience I am simply giving my personal references that I have seen. This is why there is a book for everyone to read. Jones does a wonderful job writing this book and helping all readers to understand what she is thinking and how she came up with this theory.

Anyway, Waters are necessary for any organization to survive. See, without someone to keep the peace, without someone to help the Fires to empathize for the very people they are tearing apart, without having a person to bring calm to a situation then there will be chaos.

What about Personality? pt 2 of 7 - Fire

Fire. What makes a personality a fire?

Exactly that - fire. This is that personality that we typically think of as firey. It is the person that sees a goal and will do everything he/she can possibly do to get that goal accomplished. Typically, a Fire will be the type that is a little louder, enjoys some confrontation, and excels in an organization as a leader, as a worker, or anywhere. But you can count on the Fire to continue to be promoted because once a goal is set, it will be accomplished.

Fires may not be the typical person that is incredibly organized. Often they will not have time for it.

I have met a lot of Fires in my life. I've been scared of some. I've learned a lot from some. Currently, I work for and with some Fires. I am surrounded by Fires because I am in a job where it is 100% commission. That is something that drives the Fire. Immediate success, immediate failure, immediate results. This is something that a Fire needs and wants. 

But it's easy to see the flaws in my current organization. Anything any organization is filled with the same personality is calls for disaster. Being that all of our managers, including our owner, is 100% Fire we see a lack of organization. We see many things changing from day to day without appropriate warning because it's gonna work better. We see a lack of good training. 

Fires are necessary in any organization. They will push everyone within an organization to get things done and to accomplish the goal at hand. They make great leaders as long as they understand that not everyone is like them. When Fires are able to do their thing an organization will skyrocket in all areas, but it may not last.

What about Personality? pt 1 of 7

I've been waiting to write on this for a while, but I knew it would take a while and several posts. So before I can ask any questions or even look at any answers I need to update some of you on where I'm coming from.

I read a book within the last year that I have loved. It fed my love for psychology and my intrigue on how so many of us can be so different. The book is called "The Four Elements of Success." It sounds a little New Age-y at first but I assure that it's not. This book is about personality and characterizes four different personalities as Fire, Water, Earth, and Wind. It's an interesting concept and the best part is it is easy to remember.

So before I can ask my questions we need to go over what each of these personalities looks like. If you become really curious I suggest to go and buy the book by Laurie Beth Jones to fully understand all of it.

In the next few days we will discuss what each personality looks like and then I will ask my question(s) and let that be opened up for discussion as well.

Love for the Word

In the last few weeks I have developed a new love for the Word of God. I have come to a place where I love to read the Bible and I just can't get enough of it. I have been reading a variety of New Testament books - The Corinthians and the Gospels mainly - and I just fallen in love with it all over again.

I have thoroughly enjoyed trying to figure out Jesus more. You know, we have the classic WWJD bracelets that became a huge hit and have been made fun of a lot as well. Well, What Would Jesus really Do? I think that is the real question. Too many of us can't really answer that question. Going through the Gospels and seeing how Jesus really acted and what He really did is amazing.

I love reading all of the epistles too. All of Paul's writings, James, Hebrews, the Peters, and the Johns. But when you cannot really understand what Jesus is really like in the first place and you cannot really know what Jesus did then these epistles are nearly pointless. 

Anyway, I am loving the Bible right now and I am changing some of my opinions and even theologies some because of it. Now, I'm not one to get too big into theology but I do think that we all have to have a base in it. And so right now I am making my theological foundation more accurate and firm. I love God and I love His Word. It's fun just to be able to say that.

What are you reading now?

How much are you enjoying the Word?

Differences in Beliefs

This should be my last reflection from my family reunion and this one should be pretty high on philosophical/theological side.

In my family we have many strong beliefs on religion and almost everyone has a different religion, or at least part of religion, in which the thoughts are based on. I love everyone in my family but we have several (non-practicing) Lutherans, a few atheists, one family are strong, devout Jehovah's Witnesses, another family Catholic (with one cousin in school to become a priest), and then my family - Pentecostal with a pastor.

As you can see there is quite a bit of diversity. So there is an unwritten rule in which we do not talk about religion often. I think it's great that we can agree to disagree but at the same time I realize that there could be catastrophic consequences for this. If we were to bring up religion around the dinner table then it would leave to a lot of arguing and then our reunion would become very unpleasant.

I did start a conversation with my cousin that wants to be a priest. The truth is I am curious as to why he would want to be a priest just as I know many people are curious as to why I decided to become a pastor. I came away with two thoughts. 1) Catholics are far more disciplined than evangelicals in many ways and we should be ashamed. 2) I find it sad that all hope and faith are placed in the Pope and Mary. Now I am not well-versed in the practices and theologies of Catholicism and I may have already said something inaccurate. But something I really do want to know is how their theology came to be over the centuries.

Then there are my dear relatives that converted to become Jehovah's Witnesses a few years ago. They know their beliefs (for the most part) and they go to Bible Study four times a week. They are prepared to defend their faith and are taught well. Now I know that a lot of Christians would say that they are manipulated and only given bits of what they see to be the truth. Maybe that's true and maybe that's not. But my biggest question/concern is whether or not you read that in a book, heard it from another person who read it from a book, or whether you have actually talked to and loved someone from this faith.

In the end, I absolutely believe that Jesus was the Son of God, a part of the Trinity. I believe that all we have to do is believe in Jesus as being the Son of God to attain heaven. I also believe that there is a lot more to belief in Jesus than simply going to heaven. I will put my life on this.

But my family members will bet their lives on their beliefs too. How does all of this work out in the end? How can we have honest, respectable, knowledgeable conversations about this?

What are your thoughts?

Past, Present, Future

I guess it's safe to say that there are three different times in our lives - past, present, and future. And that brings me to a philisophical question...

Is it better to live in the past, the present, or the future?

In the last post I discussed how I love to dream. Honestly, I love to look into the future to see what could be ahead of me. In the future my life can be so perfect and amazing. I love to think about that. And I still have 1/3 of my life ahead of me. My best days are in the next 30. I will peak in my career in the next 20-30 years. How can I not look into my future and be excited about my life?

Then there's my past. Some bad and a lot of good. Most of the things that I have done in my life have been so fun and so excited. I definitely have regrets and there are definitely some things I have done that have had negative influences on my life. But for the most part my past has been great. If in the future my best career and family days are in front of me I think my best social/fun days are behind me. College was good to me. High school wasn't too shabby either. I can go on for days with stories of my past.

Then there's my present. My present kinda sucks. Actually it definitely sucks. I love my roommate and that's about it. I hate my job. I love where I live, but I would give anything to be in the career I want to be in. But at the same time I am in the present. So how come I have to live in the only time era I don't want to be in? How can I change this? Is it possible to love my present right now?

What about all of you - would you rather be in your past, present, or your future?

Any advice on how to love my present more?

Any advice at all?

Dream Dream Dream

The only thing that keeps me going these days is the five letter word - dream. 

I have dreams. I am full of dreams. Dreams of the future. Dreams of God's plan for my life. Dreams of excellence and grandeur. Dreams of glorifying God. Dreams of taking every talent and gift that God has given me and using it to the fullest extent that God allows.

See, I don't want an average life. Now, I may live what is looked to be an average life but if it is what God wants of me then I know it won't be average. But I still don't think that I was created to live an average life. I have so many dreams inside me. I cannot wait to let it all out. Some day I will know exactly what God wants me to do and I will do everything I can to glorify God.

Until then I will glorify God in every way I can today. I will also continue to dream because it is honestly the only thing that gets me through most days.

The Little Things

It's amazing how when one is in a difficult position or transition that it is always the little things that can change a day. I just got back from a wonderful time with family and now I want to do nothing but sit and sulk. And I don't really know why.

Being the guy that I am I am very self-analytical and so I always try to figure out why things are going on in my head. So right now I am trying to figure out why. And I can't. All I can figure is it is something little and insignificant. 

Before I have mentioned that stability is something I feel that I lack. My guess is that I felt a level of stability and security earlier in this week and now that sense of stability is gone. It just makes things hard.

All I can do is continue to remind myself that there are better days ahead of me. I know that God still has a plan and a purpose. I know that God is still grooming me and preparing me for something great. But on days like this it is hard to keep that in focus. It's just like trying to fight off the onset of depression everyday. But I know God is still here for me and my life is worth the fight.

The Jonah Theory Continues

At the reunion I won the award for the Best Participant. As my uncle announced he told everyone that I participated in basically everything I could have. Then he mentioned that I lost everything too. He made fun of us for losing people from our raft. He made fun of me for losing in darts to my aunt. He made fun of my golf game.

I have to wonder about this Jonah thing again. 

I don't normally lose chronically. I'm not a loser. But lately I have been. In the story of Jonah everyone on the boat had the fear of falling out and/or being shipwrecked. I lost 3 out of my boat. I lost at all kinds of things I don't normally lose at. It's one thing if I'm losing in things I don't expect to win or if I'm losing to someone that is amazing at what they do. But I lost to my aunt in darts. Should not have happened. And I lost 3 out of my raft. I'm just not OK with that however funny it was and even though I laughed hysterically.

What do you think about this Jonah theory?

Love for Leadership

I love anything to do about leadership. Truthfully, I see myself being intimately involved in some way with leadership some day in the future. I see myself as a leader and I want to be the best leader I can. Well, with all of that said, I want to give a few observations from my rafting adventure.

As many of you know, especially those that read yesterday's post, I went rafting this last week and 3 of my fellow rafters fell out. Well, I am of an unwavering belief that this "accident" should not have happened. I want to discuss this with anyone that may be reading now.

OK, here we go. Less than a mile into the trip down the river we hit a rock and got stuck on it for a short period of time. This should have been our first indicator. There were 8 of us on the raft, including the guide. On one side we had two strong paddlers, a foreigner, and a little kid. On the right side was myself, a 15 year old girl, a disabled guy, and the guide. Now, I mean no disrespect toward anyone in anything I may say because I love everyone. Anyway, we hit a rock - first indicator.

A little ways further we hit a second rock and got stuck on it. Our second indicator. Now my 15 year old cousin Rachel was in front of me. Anyone that has been rafting knows that the two in front are kinda the leaders in when we all paddle. Jered was on the left side in the front and he's strong. Then Rachel was in the front on the right. She just couldn't match his strength. I'm not even saying she wasn't strong or that she was incapable. I'm only saying she couldn't match his strength. We just got stuck on a second rock. HELLO!!!!

Well, our guide remained silent on the subject. I screamed out that we sucked. My cousin Mandy, whom I love, said we were the raft of misfits. I think she was right. I did talk a lot. I was in a way the entertainment of the raft (if you can possibly imagine that.) Our guide couldn't speak over me. He didn't even try. (In my defense I hadn't seen Mandy at least 9 years and I haven't seen Rachel since she was like 5. I wanted to talk.)

Later on, we were going through one of the most technical rapids and we hit a rock which sucked in our left side of the raft and we lost 3 of the 4 on that side of the raft. Mandy and Nadia made it back to the shore where we left our raft fairly quickly while Rowe was too pathetic to swim to the shore and was picked up by our second raft of Carlsons.

Now for the observations. Mr. Guide (Lloyd), what were you thinking? You are the guide and you need to get things under control. I have been rafting 4 times now in my life. Never have we had a single problem at all, let alone have people fall out. After getting stuck on that second raft our guide needed to address our problem and fix it.

At least two or three times I asked Lloyd what we were doing wrong. All he said is we weren't paddling well enough. Really? Thanks for the observation. He needed to point out where the breakdown was. I'm sorry, but Rachel cannot keep up with Jered in paddling. Lloyd should have switched Rachel and I. We should have worked on our paddling more. We should have shifted around some more. 

After the "incident" I switched with Rachel and took the lead. It's amazing that we never even hit a rock after that point. Hmmm.

Leadership 101 says find the problem and fix it!

What are your thoughts?

Reflections from Breckenridge

I have two options right now. 1) I could tell you about the fun stuff from my family reunion I just came from. 2) I could get way too deep and philosophical about stuff that it would take the fun out of the week. I absolutely intend to do both in the next few posts.

I love my mother's family. The Carlsons. Boring name but fun family. This year we had our family reunion in Breckenridge, CO. We only have reunions every three years and this year it was put on by two of my cousins who live in Colorado. So I was pumped. 

Unfortunately though we only got four days. So on Monday I arrived in Breckenridge and saw the rest of my family, many of whom I hadn't seen in years. I saw all of my mother's siblings and then I saw some cousins and second cousins I haven't seen in years, if at all. Sadly I only have two cousins within five years of me. One is married with two kids and the other is still in college. As much as I love my family, it is hard to find a lot to do or know who to hang out with because of the lack of similarities between me and my family members. So my roommate came and hung out with us for a day too.

On Monday night we just sat around the pool and played some games and ate some barbecue stuff. We played a little trivia game and then we played the longest card game of my life. I didn't win.

Tuesday we went whitewater rafting in Buena Vista in the Arkansas River. During the ride three from our ride fell off during one of the worst rapids and I laughed.  But we finally made it to the end without losing anyone else. More on this tomorrow. After rafting we got back and went to the hot tub for a while and then we went out to eat.

Wednesday I got up and took some others on the alpine slides. That was a blast. Flying down a mountain in the summer on a little sled on a bobsled-like run can never be boring. After that I went golfing. It was my first time golfing in two years. I didn't play too horribly and my team one by one stroke. Then that night we went to a chuckwagon and listened to horrible cowboy music. And it was COLD!

Then on Thursday we all left. 

I had a blast though. Anytime I get to spend time with loved ones I will always have a blast. What a great vacation and a great time to getaway from stuff.

Rend

Rend verb to tear (something) into two or more pieces  syn tear, rip, split, rupture, sever

What is God saying to you? Well, lately God has spoken to me through this song. "Rend" by Jimmy Needham has captured a hold of my heart. This is that song where it feels like it was written just for me right now. 

See, I'm fortunate enough now to be in a place where so much of me has been broken down. Everything I use to rely on and think was me has been stripped away. It's been a hard process but nothing has felt more right. Imagine God singing these lyrics to any of you that have been broken:

"You've been tarnished, you've been stained,

All the varnish you've used to cover up with is peeling away,

Yet even now, return to Me with nothing less than your wounded, broken heart

And cling to Me, Your gracious King

Be shattered glass of empty jars and rend

Rend, rend, rend, rend your heart

You've been tarnished and you've been stained

And all the varnish you've used to cover up with is peeling away

Yet even now, return to Me with nothing less than your wounded, broken heart

And cling to Me, Your gracious King

Be shattered glass of empty jars and rend

Rend, rend, rend, rend your heart

I don't need a grand display

Show me that your heart has changed

I don't need a show

Only just to know your own heart breaks

Yet even now, return to Me with nothing less than your wounded, broken heart

And cling to Me, Your gracious King

Be shattered glass of empty jars and rend

Rend, rend, rend, rend your heart"

Do you need to rend your heart? Is there a "varnish" that exists in your life?

Where's the Boat?

Ever feel like Jonah? That's exactly how I feel right now. I used to feel that God blessed me everywhere I went. It was almost like everything that I touched turned to gold. But now? Now I feel like everything I touch or become involved with just goes counter-clockwise down the ceramic bowl. 

Everything that I used to be good at is now more than a struggle. I don't get it. I'm not used to this. I know that I've posted about this before but you are lucky enough to get even more of this ranting now.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not upset. I'm amazed at the patience that I'm learning. And I don't think that I have disobeyed God in a way that is a precursor to being in a boat like Jonah. I mean surely I've disobeyed God lately, but I don't think I am being "punished" or even "awakened" by God so that I will do what His will does ask. 

I think more or less this is just God taking a certain level of protection off of me. But I know that the protection and the blessing that only God can give is still around...it just looks differently now and it just is being done/shown in a different way.

What do you think? Am I way off? Is this something God does?

Communication Styles

I am a public speaker. I try to learn more and more about how to communicate effectively. Today I want to look at two people.

Jesus. Short, sweet, to the point. Didn't butter up a crowd. Didn't warm them up with jokes. Didn't spoon feed people. Just showed compassion to the nonreligious crowd. Healed some, gave words of life and wisdom. Ripped the religious apart. Short and sweet. Longest sermon was the Sermon on the Mount which is just a few short chapters. Changed the world.

Paul. Admits himself in 2 Corinthians that he's boring. Long, monotonous, but to the point. Great at explaining things. But boring. His sentences wouldn't have gotten him through high school composition. Every sentence a run-on sentence in more than one way. Sucked up, beat up, then consoled. Changed the world.

How do I need to change my communication style?

How should you change yours?

On the Outside

I have not truly been a part of a church now since April. I love my new church Timberline Church in Fort Collins, CO www.timberlinechurch.org. But I can't say that I am a part of the church yet. I'm not really in place to volunteer and provide any help or service in any way, even though I would love to. I am leaving a position where I was in on almost every large decision in the church. I have interned in two different churches and been a huge part of at least one area of a church for over the past decade.

Now, I don't work in a church and I don't volunteer in a church. I simply attend. It's been nice but I can't wait to be a part of a church again. I really can't wait to be employed by a church again.

But there is something I've noticed being on the outside looking in. I've always played the "church game." Now I'm not. Lately God has spoken to me about grace and freedom and what that looks like. I have heard for years and years complaints about the church. The church is judgmental and condescending. I love God but hate church. People in church are mean and cruel. Church/Christianity is all about  dos and do nots. Now that I am on the outside, I can agree with something. There is validity in all that these people have said.

I now have experienced others being judgmental against me. I now see how the church is full of religious people who think there are better than others and "preach" at what others can and cannot do. 

I've been reading John lately and a few things stand out to me. One, Jesus was ALWAYS kind and generous toward common people. Jesus ALWAYS was judgmental and harsh toward the religious. Hm, where does that leave us? The religious are the ones that are in church and think they have things figured out, right? Wrong. Those are the ones that Jesus tore apart in his conversations and statements.

Also, who do we think we are to judge? We look at a person and we say that because of what they do and what they say and how they look tells us enough of how good of a Christian they are. Well, let me tell all of the "religious" out there. In the last couple months I have acted more "sinfully" then I ever did as a pastor yet I feel more freedom, grace, and love. Remember a few posts ago I told God that I didn't deserve to ask Him to help? He responded as telling me that I never did and I never will. 

When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was what did Jesus say? 1) Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, strength. 2) Love your neighbor as yourself.

Enough said.

What are your thoughts?

Loser

I am playing in a tennis tournament this week. In my first singles match I played against some 70 year old guy. I lost. I don't know what my deal is but every since coming to Colorado things have not gone my way. In tennis it used to be that I always had one shot I could count on when nothing else was going my way. That was my crosscourt forehand. I could hit it hard and I could put it where I wanted to on the other side of the court. But now that is gone. It disappeared. 

That got me thinking about my situation in life right now. I'm not good at my job. I can't play tennis anymore. I have one friend. I can't make people laugh anymore. My personality is a joke. Girls cringe at the sight of me. My gifts, talents, and abilities have all left. See, just like in tennis, I have always had something to rely on when all else goes wrong. I would just open up that personality of mine that I had and draw people in on charisma and humor. Yeah, I don't have any more either. So I have come to one conclusion...

I'm a loser.

It's kinda like that 3 Doors Down song. I'm a loser. I guess I used to rely on me and the promise of a future. Well, right now that promise of a future is a little dimmer, but I know it's still there. I've never lost sight of that. But maybe now it's time for me to make my future my present. I just don't know how all of a sudden I became a loser. I think I just have to look at my present reality and how I am performing in all aspects of my life. I am subpar in all of those areas. But I don't really know how to change that. I guess I'll just have to find that out.

A part of me wonders too how much of this is God related. I don't think God wants me to be a loser but I do think that God wants to break me down. Maybe this is one of the ways in which He chooses to do that. Maybe there are some other lessons that I must learn too. I don't really know. So the conclusion is that I am a loser. I don't say that is a pessimistic way, just a realistic way. I think that's where I'm at in life now.

Does anyone agree with me that I'm a loser?

Ever feel this way? What did you do about it?