The Prayer Part 2 (Chief of Sinners)

In one of Paul's letters he decides to make the ultimate confession that perhaps many though but nobody else spoke of out loud. Many knew of his past, which obviously included himself. But, many also knew of the great things that he had done in the name of Christ as well. So maybe there was a thought by the listener(s) and the reader(s) about Paul's past but there was also the extraordinary evidence place in front of them of who Paul now is.

All this aside, Paul still claims in his letter that he is the chief of sinners. All due respect, Paul, but you were premature in your statement.

I am the chief of sinners.

Here I am having this simple, short conversation with God. I'm wondering if enough is ever enough and I'm reminded of the Apostle Paul. I look back at Paul's claim and I realize all of the horrible things that he had done. He had murdered, lied, manipulated, deceived, and purposely attacked Jesus Christ, who claimed to be the Son of Man. He then decided to pursue all of his so-called followers.

Something many of us don't think about is Paul's presence during the Gospels. Where was he? He didn't just appear out of thin air in Acts did he? Surely he had to have been around witnessing Christ first hand, right? I don't know if anything I am about to say is actually historically accurate, but it makes for good introspection.

It is likely that Paul (Saul) was there, listening to Jesus teach. Maybe Saul is one of the Pharisees that Jesus gave a verbal beat down to. Maybe Saul was a part of the Sanhedrin when the were conspiring to kill Jesus. Maybe he was there when Judas was confronted to betray Jesus for a few shekels. Maybe he orchestrated the plot to have Jesus arrested in the Garden. Maybe he was in the front row in front of Pilate, pleading for Barrabbas to be exchanged with Jesus

I know all of this is speculation but what if it is true? What we do know of Saul at this time is that he was quickly rising through the ranks of the Sanhedrin as a promising Pharisee and possibly on his way to become High Priest. Something(s) had to have catapulted him in that direction.

So, Paul claims he is the chief of sinners. I still respectfully disagree.

Paul did everything he did because he thought he was doing right for his God. Turns out that he was definitely wrong, but at least he was doing what he believed in at the time. His crimes were terrible and cruel and wrong. But he still did what he believed in.

I, on the other hand, have come to the conclusion that 93.3% of all the sins that I have committed in my lifetime were done knowing that it was sin. This leaves a very slim percentage of sins done unknowingly. I know what is deep down in my heart and in my mind. I know what things I have done and not done. I know how many times I have heard the voice and God and chosen to ignore it. 

I am the chief of sinners.