Tough Weekend

Fourth of July. A time of celebration, a time of fun, and time of excitement. It's a weekend that sees barbecues and fireworks. We watch movies and remember the independence that we now have. Now that's a word - independence. What exactly does that mean? Now I'm getting off track. That's in a few posts as well.

But for me and this 4th of July I feel no celebration and I feel no independence. This is the weekend that God wrote "gut check" on his Matt DeSmidt calendar. And gut check it was. For the first time since April I was alone. Alone with nothing but my thoughts, my demons, and my God. For five straight days. Alone. No friends, no phone calls, no fun, no smiles, no love. Just me, my demons, and God.

I spent for the 4th of July in tears wondering what happened to me. I waited all day for a phone call from someone, anyone. I received none. I sat thinking about what the rest of the nation was doing on a beautiful day. And I just sat there...doing nothing...but being tortured with my thoughts. I felt that everyone had abandoned me, including God. I knew God was there and I even knew as I went through the weekend that this was the time I needed to have. It was the weekend in which my situation finally confronted me. I realized that I had never confronted everything because I didn't have to. But now that I was alone I had to.

While this was a very tough weekend...it was the weekend I had to have to grow in the future.

Can you remember a really tough time in your life that you would like to share at all?