I know that my last post may be tough for some to swallow. Well, please don't be offended, but many of you are in a position where you don't have to swallow that truth. I don't have a choice. I don't say this to be confrontational or difficult. I do not say it in a bitter tone. It's just that I have been faced with a very difficult transition and since I am in the beginning stages of that transition these are my honest thoughts that I am allowing the world to see.
There is another question I have been asked recently. That question is "How have you and God been?" I don't like this question either. Pause. Really long pause.
Even now as I type I don't know how to answer this. It's a loaded question. Another long pause.
Like I said, I don't really know how to answer this and that's because so much has changed. I do not blame God for my situation one bit. Not for one second. I already know what has happened and who is to blame. Me. 100% me. I am not disillusioned at all. I am not confused about that at all. All me. I got myself into this, but I don't think I can get myself out.
How am I doing with God? It's a process and it's been difficult. My reason for existence (obviously that's not true, but it is how I feel right now) is no longer a part of me. The things that are going through my mind right now are thoughts I may not have ever had before.
My ending answer is that God is dealing with me as only He can. It is in His timing and in His way. I don't think that many others would be OK with how God is dealing with me but I assure you that the Holy Spirit is speaking and is not being ignored, but it is slow moving yet powerful. There are things I am being taught and things I am revisiting that are incredible. It's probably fair to say that many of future posts will continue to answer this question.
I am writing this for two reasons. As mentioned before I want others to know that struggle in transition is OK. Struggle is OK. Questioning God and His plan is OK. God can handle it. We always think that it's sacrilegious to struggle in our relationship with Christ. I say absolutely not. And the second reason I write this is to chronicle my thoughts in this time because I don't want to forget it. I just decided that I don't care if anyone else reads it. Whether it's just for myself or if millions of others read it, I don't care. That said, if you are reading this and you are intrigued and maybe benefited, feel free to share it with others. Just leave comments and feel free to start discussion.
What is God saying to you right now?
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