Loser

I am playing in a tennis tournament this week. In my first singles match I played against some 70 year old guy. I lost. I don't know what my deal is but every since coming to Colorado things have not gone my way. In tennis it used to be that I always had one shot I could count on when nothing else was going my way. That was my crosscourt forehand. I could hit it hard and I could put it where I wanted to on the other side of the court. But now that is gone. It disappeared. 

That got me thinking about my situation in life right now. I'm not good at my job. I can't play tennis anymore. I have one friend. I can't make people laugh anymore. My personality is a joke. Girls cringe at the sight of me. My gifts, talents, and abilities have all left. See, just like in tennis, I have always had something to rely on when all else goes wrong. I would just open up that personality of mine that I had and draw people in on charisma and humor. Yeah, I don't have any more either. So I have come to one conclusion...

I'm a loser.

It's kinda like that 3 Doors Down song. I'm a loser. I guess I used to rely on me and the promise of a future. Well, right now that promise of a future is a little dimmer, but I know it's still there. I've never lost sight of that. But maybe now it's time for me to make my future my present. I just don't know how all of a sudden I became a loser. I think I just have to look at my present reality and how I am performing in all aspects of my life. I am subpar in all of those areas. But I don't really know how to change that. I guess I'll just have to find that out.

A part of me wonders too how much of this is God related. I don't think God wants me to be a loser but I do think that God wants to break me down. Maybe this is one of the ways in which He chooses to do that. Maybe there are some other lessons that I must learn too. I don't really know. So the conclusion is that I am a loser. I don't say that is a pessimistic way, just a realistic way. I think that's where I'm at in life now.

Does anyone agree with me that I'm a loser?

Ever feel this way? What did you do about it?