I Wanna Hang Out With Jesus

I wonder what's its like to hang out with Jesus. I continue to keep going through the Gospels to see what Jesus is really like, but there are some gaps that I am having a hard time filling.

Truth is, there are several people I look up to that have attributes I would like to have. But there is only one person that I admire so much that I want to look as much like him as I can - and that is Jesus.

What I'm curious about now is - what was it like to hang out with Jesus? And I mean that times that aren't recorded in the Bible. You know, just the two of us. Or just a small group of people. I mean, everyone loved to be around Christ, which made him a fun person, right? He had to have told jokes - so what jokes did he tell. I think he knew how to be the life of the party so at times, so what did that look like?

This is some of the stuff I wanna know so I can incorporate as much into my life as I can. I know that he always had the right thing to say. He always knew what to do and performed miracles at the drop of a hat. He was able to change people's lives and confront members in a crowd and leave them speechless and provoked thought. I want that in my life. But what I also want to know is what Jesus was like behind-the-scenes. Surely, he was all about his Father's business, but I also don't think he talked about his Father 100% of the time. I'm sure there was a side to Jesus that just hung out with friends. I wonder what that looked like.

No Preaching

Some times I really miss preaching, teaching, or coming up with any kind of new idea, lesson, etc. This is one of those weeks that I don't miss it at all. One of the tough things of pastoring is always coming up with stuff. Often times, that happens 2-5 times a week! Really? I'm supposed to be that creative all the time?

Well, this week if I had to do something I would absolutely be making it up or else we'd be watching a video or playing a game, because I got NOTHING. I can't even write a blog this week. Good thing I have them sorta stored up from other weeks (with that huge time without a computer I didn't write anything so I'm a little backed up.) I got nothing.

So what do you do when you have one of these kinds of weeks? Whether it's teaching Sunday School, preaching a sermon, counseling, writing a book/blog/anything, mentoring, etc. What do you do? Honestly, what do you do?

Will I Ever Get Married?

It's a good question. Some days I think about it, some days I don't. But I still think it's valid.

I've been around the block....a few times. I've had some great girls in my life and I've let them all slip through my fingers. Heck, it's what got me in this mess in the first place.

But is it ever going to happen? I'm only 26 which means I'm not ancient by any means but at the same time I wouldn't mind it. And then there's all the comments from married people..."When are you gonna get married?" "I have a daughter for you to meet." "I have a friend that you would love." Blah, blah, blah, blah.

I want to get married, I think it would be great. I don't know if I'm ready for it in a variety of areas but I'd at least like to begin my process by actually finding someone. The other funny thing is, and I don't know if I should attribute this to God or my getting old/fat, now that I am more ready to settle down then before I can't find anyone for the life of me. I mean in college this wasn't an issue at all. I had no problems finding someone. If I was single it was truly because I wanted to be single, but now I'm still OK with being single but at the same time I wouldn't mind venturing into some new water again.

Granted, I haven't met anyone worth my trouble yet either. I have high standards. I'm gonna keep those high standards. I've made a lot of stupid mistakes in my day but I still know what I'm worth at the end of the day. A huge difference now is that I'm tired of messing around. I'm tired of just having fun or whatever. I'm ready to at least make progress toward settling down. I don't really know how to express what I'm thinking right now but hopefully all 3 of you get the point.

In the end I think it comes down to whether or not I trust God. Do I trust that God can and will bring someone into my life? Just like in all areas of faith, it's easy to understand and believe in your mind that God has it all taken care of. But it's another thing to live your entire life that way every single moment of every single day. Good thing God isn't rattled by my momentary doubts.

Good News

Finally, for the first time in this transition, I have gotten official good news! I received my letter from Springfield giving me a date. This is huge since I have been waiting for a date for so long. I cannot express my excitement and eagerness to for this date to come around!

Yay for me!

Definition of Success

I read in a book recently how Jesus changed the definition of success. So I ask you the question: "What is the definition of success?"

In a lot of places, including my current place of employment, it is a simple definition. Money. That is the measuring stick for a lot of places, business, and people. Many governments use the same approach. Many may word it differently, many may make it sound a little different but money is a basic unit of measurement for success.

I'm not going to say that money is a wrong answer for this question. But I do feel that it may be incomplete. I will venture to say that a company solely contingent upon the fact of whether it makes money or not will fall short of its own potential eventually. Again, my current employer has this same measurement of success.

So, then, I have asked myself what is my personal definition of success. I have decided what it is and I realize that I am willing to live my entire life to be successful, if this is the definition. My definition or measurement of success is whether or not I am influencing people. I want to influence. I have written about it before, I have said before, and I mean it more each time it leaves my mind and enters the world in some way, shape, or form.

I want to influence people. I believe, for me, there is a qualitative and quantitative form of this. I want to influence as many people as possible but I also believe that there must be some serious quality and depth to all of this. I have decided that I will influence others with my life, my words, and my deeds no matter where I am or what I am doing. This is my definition of success.

I have also come to realize that I cannot influence others if I am not being influenced. I was quality influence in my life so I can influence others.

Fight

Earlier today (yesterday) I was driving to go get some gas. As I went through the Safeway parking lot I caught something out of the corner of my eye that made me take a second look.

Two grown men on the ground fighting with blood everywhere.

This was at 9:30 AM on a Monday. Didn't they have better things to do? As I said, there was blood everywhere and I didn't really know what to do. My first instinct was to break it up and then I became too worried about what might happen to me. So I called the cops and went to get gas.

After the police, ambulance, and fire truck arrived I was leaving the gas station and had to go the same direction I came in. Several people were bloodied up with one man taken to the side by a police officer and the second man on the bottom of the fighting pile was on a stretcher, drenched in blood and apparently not moving.

So then I thought to myself - what could drive a person to get so mad that he would beat someone to a pulp, unconscious, and then keep hitting? What kind of hate does that take? Why does that kind of hate exist in the world? Thank you Jesus that I do not have that kind of hate in me.

Now I can understand a few punches thrown, a guy gets knocked down - fight over. There may be a few instances in life where that kind of action may need to be taken - mostly the defense of the defenseless - but THIS?

There is a fight inside my mind that continues on all the time. That is the fight that says how can I know the good in something if I have never experienced the bad? Example - how can I know the dangers of drinking if I have never drank myself? How can I know the stupidity of and the lifestyle that drugs bring if I have never been involved in it myself? And the examples go on and on.

Today I was thankful that I have never experienced this type of hatred toward another human being and it makes me realize that God's grace and love and wisdom has always been present in my life. I am so thankful that I have always known of God and that He is there for me.

I strive to reach certain levels in my own life. I have failed quite often in that. I am in this position now because I have failed in that. But I thank God that I have never slipped so far as to hate my neighbor with a reckless abandon.

Truth be told is that there is a mental fight going on me. Today, I am extremely thankful that the good side wins most of the time in that fight.

Jesus, I love you and I thank you for all you have done for me.

Lost the Plot

I was sitting on a plane recently heading from Iowa back to Colorado (have I mentioned how much I love this state?) and I got the most random song stuck in my head.

I used to be a HUGE Newsboys fan. Breakfast, Take Me to Your Leader, Breathe, and so many more. But one song was not particularly my favorite when I was younger. In fact, I am almost positive I skipped 94.6% of the time on my CD, (maybe even a tape then.) And of course, that was the random song that got stuck in my head. I can't believe I ever remembered the words to it. I had not even listened to the Newsboys since early college years probably.

But the song was stuck in my head nevertheless. I am sure you already figured out the name of that song by the post title. "Lost the Plot."

I think when I was younger I didn't understand the meaning of the song and that's why I didn't like it so much. But in that plane sitting by myself and alone with my own thoughts the song came to me. So I immediately busted out my Zune (way better than iPod in my opinion) and went to Newsboys and found the song.

I think it is really easy for us to forget what it's really all about. I know I did. It became about less about God's love and grace and more about rules, leadership style, church effectiveness, and politics. Sad to say I don't think that only happened in my church. I don't think I was the only pastor or Christian in the world that way. Honestly, people, I don't care who you are or what you do or how you stumbled across this, but bless the socks off of your pastor(s) because he/she/they really need it. It is really easy to lose sight of things when you are in the thick of church problems all day.

Let's not lose the plot. Let's not lose the most essential part of the story. Let's not let life get int the way. Let's make our life fit the plot that we were given. We know the beginning, we know the end, but is your life going to follow the plot intended to be followed?

My Greatest Fear

My greatest fear in life. I guess that's what I'm gonna talk about now. Well, let's see. I can sum it up in one word. It's not spiders, snakes, crocodiles or barracudas. It's not people or public speaking or people disliking me. It's much different from that. It's unseen, it's intangible, it's simple yet complex.

My greatest fear in life is failure.

I greatly admire those who say "I/We will always do things new, different, and try it out. If it works then great, if not, then we'll do something else." I wish I could say that and mean it. I can try new things, but I can't try new things and put my all into it. Because I feel that if I don't give it my all then I have an excuse. I want to put it all out there and then if it does not work then fine, who cares? I tried.

I straight up, 100% think that's Satan in our heads messing with us. There are two way a general would strategize against God. Both involve God's creation - humans. The first thing a general would do is go after God's greatest strength which is His church and His revelation to man. Does that ring any bells to any of those that decide to complain about the corruption of church? And the second is to take away man's potential. See, if we don't reach out potential then we are not a threat to the general and his army. Go for your potential. Give it all you have, go all out (in a calculated way I might add - probably another post some day) and forget your fear of failure.

I'm coming to the conclusion that the way to overcome fear is to to do. I think the greatest failure in life is really not trying.

Another Barrier Torn Down

In this crazy hard transition of my life I feel blessed. I recently told someone that I thank God every day that He took advantage of this situation. I feel blessed to be exposed and broken. Because of that true thanks toward God I pray that others would come to the same conclusion that I am now, no matter what it takes. If it takes God's exposure and His breaking you to get you to this place, then that's my prayer. Honestly, don't ask me to pray for you because you might not want me to pray what I could possibly pray.

With that said, since I am sharing moments of victory and defeat with you (and I thank God there are a LOT more moments of victory now) I thought I would share this one with you. Now, I think I'm gonna keep the details to myself but I can give you the gist.

There was a barrier or a certain wall or a certain place that I had not gone to since April of 2009 when my life seemingly became unraveled. Now, this is not a physical place, but it is a spiritual/mental/emotional place. I decided that it was finally time to go there.

In going there, I experience the greatest worship service and time with God in public since April. After that happened (it was a Sunday morning) I immediately felt "released" to break another barrier Sunday night - and another Sunday night - and another Monday afternoon - and another Monday night.

Now, I don't know why I couldn't get past that first barrier. I don't know what took so long. But I do know that I'm completely OK with it. God's timing is turning out to the be the best timing of all. I'm not sure that it was God telling me to wait before crossing this barrier or if it was my psychological or emotional restraint, but I do know that there could not have been a better time.

With the rate things are going, it makes me enjoy and appreciate this transition with the utmost appreciation and excitement even. I cannot wait until the day there is another barrier broken - the day I can teach, and preach, and lead again. I know that those come in different categories so understand that I mean behind a pulpit. I feel that like that may be my final barrier of this transition and will start a whole new one.

But for now, and for always, it's just gonna me about me and God and that's it. Things will not change.

Any barriers in your life that you have overcome or need to overcome?